Finnish People Are Witches

PictureSima by Mako from Wikipedia

Are the Finnish people all witches?

You’re probably thinking, “Obviously! All of our Danish and Swedish friends tell us that the Finnish people are all witches, and the Scandinavians are universally an honest and trustworthy people.”

For proof, of course, you could point to Simo Häyhä, an apparently invincible member of the Finnish armed forces who was not only the most successful sniper of any war (basically entirely in the darkness of the Finnish winter), and was then BLOWN UP and was fine.

Then there’s the fact their language is widely considered to be unlearnable. [Citation Needed]

Or what about the fact that Finnish hotels don’t always have locks on the doors? No need! They’re protected by witchcraft.

And yet, some of you may be unconvinced. Therefore, we submit to you one final piece of evidence: Sima.

The Finnish people can decide on Wednesday (their word probably being “peruspalveluliikelaitoskuntayhtymä” or something like that) that they’d like to have mead for dinner on Saturday (they probably don’t even have a word for Saturday since they can make the week have as many or as few days as they like). So, they make a batch of Sima, and damned if three days later they don’t have mead for their friends.

Yes. Three. Flippin’. Days.

The recipe is simple:
1 kilo of honey
10 liters of water
A hefty handful of raisins
Lemon juice or slices
Quick acting yeast

Put it in a crock, and when the raisins rise to the top, drink it.


There you have it. Three days for a batch of mead. Incontrovertible evidence that the Finnish people are witches.

Oh, also, they are almost all super nice, conscientious, and compassionate.

Please don’t put a spell on us. 

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